Blog #4

Personally, I believe that I learned a lot from norming the provided essays and the discussion with students in my class, and I think that I found ways to improve my own writing. I know that there were a lot of things in the provided essays, like a strong thesis, or developing the quote in depth, could apply to my own writing.

The main thing that I would like to change about my writing is the thesis. I feel that my topic sentence wouldn’t score high because it doesn’t go in depth, and present the things that a 9-8 essay would in the opening section. I know that I can add complexity to the beginning, and then develop it through- out my writing. My thesis doesn’t really assert a strong point, and leaves the reader wondering what the point is that is being made later in the story. I need to expand what I wrote for the opening so that the opening is strong and assertive, and so that it lays put what the rest of my essay will expand on.


I believe that I still developed good points through out the rest of the essay. I think that my thesis developed towards the end of the essay, rather than right at the beginning which I know I can improve on. I also think that I included complexity within my essay. although it could be better devoted, I still went into the "how" of the prompt, rather than just the surface of the prompt. I also used direct quotations this time, instead of just paraphrasing the quotes. I also expanded well on the quotes, and went more in depth of how they created the character of Moses. I also think that my transitions were smooth and my essay flowed well. Although it was short, it didn't jump from idea to idea. 

Overall, in order to change my writing, I think I need to apply these three goals. I need to use clearer and more sophisticated diction in all my writing, organize my thoughts better and use better and more fluid transitions.