Blog #4

Personally, I believe that I learned a lot from norming the provided essays and the discussion with students in my class, and I think that I found ways to improve my own writing. I know that there were a lot of things in the provided essays, like a strong thesis, or developing the quote in depth, could apply to my own writing.

The main thing that I would like to change about my writing is the thesis. I feel that my topic sentence wouldn’t score high because it doesn’t go in depth, and present the things that a 9-8 essay would in the opening section. I know that I can add complexity to the beginning, and then develop it through- out my writing. My thesis doesn’t really assert a strong point, and leaves the reader wondering what the point is that is being made later in the story. I need to expand what I wrote for the opening so that the opening is strong and assertive, and so that it lays put what the rest of my essay will expand on.


I believe that I still developed good points through out the rest of the essay. I think that my thesis developed towards the end of the essay, rather than right at the beginning which I know I can improve on. I also think that I included complexity within my essay. although it could be better devoted, I still went into the "how" of the prompt, rather than just the surface of the prompt. I also used direct quotations this time, instead of just paraphrasing the quotes. I also expanded well on the quotes, and went more in depth of how they created the character of Moses. I also think that my transitions were smooth and my essay flowed well. Although it was short, it didn't jump from idea to idea. 

Overall, in order to change my writing, I think I need to apply these three goals. I need to use clearer and more sophisticated diction in all my writing, organize my thoughts better and use better and more fluid transitions. 

           

Response to my open ended essay

Personally, I really enjoyed writing this essay. I feel like it was my area to be more creative and let my own writing styles out. I think that through out writing the essay, my thesis became stronger because I continuously gained ideas from the previous thought. It really helped my flow, and I feel like it was better transition-wise. 

Something I know I need to work on in all of my essays is vocabulary. While I am working to broaden my vocabulary, it is still hard to find where I want to include sophisticated diction. I think that over all if I include more sophisticated diction, the over all flow of my paper will be much better and it will be a higher scoring essay. Another thing I need to improve on would be sticking with the thesis. I feel that sometimes I digress in my papers and that can cause confusion. I think that if I back up my points of complexity more clearly, the over all paper would improve. 

My three goals to improve my writing:

1. Include sophisticated diction.

This will probably be on of my goals for the entire year. It is something I need to work on for all writing and I think that with hard work, I can learn to include it where it sounds best.

2. Work on supporting complexity.

With every idea included in the text, there should be supporting details to back up the idea. I think I could go more in depth for each of the quotes or examples.  In all of my essays, it's been a struggle for me to back up my points and thesis with in depth support. 

3.  Continue each point; don't digress. 

When I am timed for an essay, I tend to let my mind wander, and then I end up having multiple ideas that I feel I have to put down. I feel that if I stick to one point per paragraph and some how connect it to the next, the over paper will improve significantly. 

Open ended response

In the novel Life of Pi, I think that the geographical, physical and cultural surroundings are extremely important in shaping the main character, Pi. The novel is a story of Pi’s journey out at sea, with only his imagination to take care of him.

 

            In the exposition of the story, the reader is introduced to Pi’s crazy lifestyle and strict culture. At an early age, Pi discovers Christianity. He is fascinated by the religion, and he wants to become a faithful Christian. His family is not accustomed to Christian ways, and follow traditional Indian religion. His father believes that he should choose one religion, and that Christianity is not good for him. Pi argues that there is no point in limiting yourself to one religion, when all you want to do is get closer to God. Because of his father’s resistance, Pi reacts by going to church secretly, and seeing a priest secretly so that he can learn more about not only Christianity but also other religions. He begins to meditate and worship daily. Because of his culture, Christianity is looked down upon. Because he chooses to worship, he becomes independent. He learns to step away from the traditional culture that his family knows so well, and learns to think for himself. Although his family and surrounding cultural peers are against what he is doing, Pi knows it’s important for his own well-being to do what makes him feel enlightened and happy.

            One of the most important physical surroundings in the novel is the zoo. In the beginning of the book, the reader is introduced to Pi’s family’s zoo. Pi’s father teachers Pi and his brother the importance of survival. He teaches the boys about how dangerous the tiger was, and that it will do anything to survive. Pi begins to evolve into the “tiger” that his father warns him about, and thinks he is battling this tiger on the boat for survival, when really the “tiger” is his own mind coping with the situation that his is faced with on the boat. Pi ends evolving into an animal like creature that has to do outrageous things to stay alive. His animal like instincts, as presented in the beginning of the novel with the zoo animals, kick in when surviving itself is a struggle for him. The zoo animal theme is presented throughout the novel, and without this physical surrounding, I feel that the character of Pi would not have had the animalistic qualities that he did when he was on stranded at sea.

            When Pi ends up on the boat, he is practically surrounded by nothing but the ocean itself. The physical surroundings make it extremely hard for Pi to stay calm, and even sane. Because of the conditions he faces, Pi has to go to desperate measures just to survive, even resorting to cannibalistic tendencies. He begins to go crazy, and hallucinates different animals and figures are on the boat. His abilities are tested while on the boat, and he is constantly fighting to stay alive because of the harsh conditions. Pi changes into a crazier and wild version of himself all because he is desperate to stay alive.

 

             Both Pi's physical and cultural surroundings greatly contribute to how Pi has to live and form as a person and how he copes with surviving.

          

 

 

Blog Post #6 Reflection

This essay was the hardest for me to write because I feel like poetry is one of my weakest points in English. I had a lot of trouble just understanding the poem itself. Since it was set in a very early time period, the diction and phrasing was extremely different than what I am used to seeing. Although it was hard to understand and depict sometimes, I feel like I got the general idea of the poem, and could still understand the attitude that the author had.


Throughout the poem, I was able to recognize the simple use of repetition, which helped me to create my thesis. I think my thesis was over all strong, and I used direct and apt quotes. I also think that I do a good job going into depth on each of my quotes, instead of leaving the quote without support. I think that the organization of my essay is also good. I think that it is clearly organized and it doesn't jump around. I do mention several devices that the author uses, and I think that it helps to develop the thesis better.


Although my essay was overall organized and convincing, I think that I still need to brush up on poetic devices. I think that I would have better analyzed the poem if I had better understood the devices being used. I haven't been exposed to a lot of poetry, and so I think that it would be beneficial to look over poetry and pick out the different devices used.  I also know that I still could've gone more in depth with each quote. Although I did explain them all, I know I could go even more in depth, including complexity within the writing. It's important that I keep in mind the "showing" instead of just "telling" and really focussing on the "how" aspect that the prompt addresses.


3 goals that I would like to focus on:
1. Review poetry. I think that if I go back and look at some of the poetry and poetic devices that I've learned over the years, it will make the poetry essay a lot easier for me. I need to just refresh my memory and reteach myself some of the devices.

2. Read a piece of poetry once a week,
I think familiarizing myself with poetry will really help me understand poetry better. Just seeing the structure of poems, the diction and the set up of the poem will ultimately help me depict what's going on in the poem.

3. Work on addressing complexity.
While I was reading and norming some of the essays, I noticed the 9-8 essays addressed the complexity in their essays. They used examples of paradox, and I know I didn't really use that example in my essay. I think that if I better focus in on complexity, my over all essay score will be higher.

Blog Post #5

             In Sir Philip Sidney’s poem “Thou Blind Man’s Mark”, he describes desire as if it were alive and evil, using repetition, diction, alliteration, and even imagery to portray his hateful attitude toward desire itself.

            Throughout the poem, Sidney uses the repetition of many words to portray a specific negative attitude towards desire.  “Too long, too long, asleep thou hast me brought, who should my mind to higher things prepare.” and “In vain thou madest me to vain things aspire; In vain thou kindlest all they smoky fire.” are both examples of how he uses the repetition of words to convey how he truly feels about desire. He writes “too long” and “In vain”, both written at the beginning of the sentences as if he is trying to emphasize the fact that desire has taken over him and that desire is seemingly controlling his life.

Sidney also uses alliteration of words to convey a darker, more hateful tone towards desire. “Thou web of will, whose end is never wrought; Desire, Desire! I have too dearly bought, With price of mangled mind, thy worthless ware; Too long, Too long, thou hast me brought, why should my mind to higher things prepare.”. These lines make the point that desire is something that Sidney can’t control, that it’s taken over his life and that there comes a price with desire that he pays. It’s seems to mess with his mind and drive him crazy.

 

Diction is a very important part of creating the tone the author has towards desire. “Thou blind man’s mark, thou fool’s self-chosen snare; Fond fancy’s scum, and dregs of scattered thought; band of evils, cradle and causeless care;” uses diction to emphasize the negativity of desire. He describes desire as "dregs of scattered thought," a theme presented throughout the poem that shows how desire harshly seems to take over his thoughts, and his mind, and it seems to be this evilness that is constantly taking over him. He also describes desire as a "fools self-chosen snare", as if desire is something that will control the mind and actions if one lets it take over. The author also uses the phrase “in vain” over and over to convey the hate that the author has towards desire.

Toward the end of the poem, there is irony in the fact that he wants to kill desire itself. “For virtue hath this better lesson taught- within myself to seek only hire, desiring naught but how to kill desire.” shows that there is nothing more that he wants than to “kill” the desire that has taken over him.

 

Essay ( what I had finished)

In the story, The Known World by Edward Jones, Jones creates and reveals an earthly character, Moses, using many examples of imagery and detail throughout the story.

 

In the beginning of the story, Moses is first presented as a slave whom had been working for his master, harnessed to the oldest mule that his master owned for almost fifteen hours. After working all day, Moses does something peculiar. “Moses closed his eyes and bent down and took a pinch of the soil and ate it with no more thought than if it were a spot of cornbread.” “ He was the only man in the realm, slave or free, who ate dirt, but while the bondage women, particularly the pregnant ones, ate it for some incomprehensible need, for that something that ash cakes and apples and fatback did not give their bodies, he ate it not only to discover the strengths and weakness of the field, but because the eating of it tied him to the only thing in his small world that meant almost as much as his own life.” These quotes are important to show the development and revelation of Moses, because it shows his true character. Moses seems to want to feel as if he is one with the earth. He wanted to not only taste the strength and the weaknesses of the field, but also taste something that was apart of him, something that was vital to who he was. The earth is where he came from, and he wants to feel like he is respecting and feeling where he first came from.

 

 

 

“Moses smelled the coming of rain. He breathed deeply, feeling it surge through him. Believing he was alone, he smiled. He knelt down to be closer to the earth and breathed deeply some more.” This quote is another example of how Moses feels a deep connection with the earth. He feels exhilarated when the breathes in the smell of the rain coming. He even bends closer to the ground so that he could feel closer to the earth, more one with the earth. There seems to be a connection between Moses and the earth around him, as the weather and the day evolves, so do Moses’s emotions. When he recognizes that rain is soon to come, he is exhilarated, urged to go further into the woods, it is what gives him seeming life. Even after an exhausting, hard day in the field, he still wants to be outside, in nature, surrounded by the open earth. "Well into the forest the rain came in torrents through the trees and their mighty summer leaves and after a bit Moses stopped and held out his hands and collected water that washed over his face. Then he undressed down to his nakedness and lay down." Even when it was poring down rain within the forest, Moses continues to travel through the forest, seeming to enjoy the rain as he cups some of it into his hands and washed it onto his face. He embraces the world around him, enjoys the nature around him.

 

 

 

Essay Reflection

Overall, this short story was hard for me to tackle. My writing was a very weak attempt to interpret such a beautiful piece. Personally, I’m very critical of my own writing, and I know that my writing would not have received a high score based on the sample essays and the rubrics.

            I struggled a lot with how to word my essay. I was so focused on finding quotes from the passage and tried to make my point, but I lacked sophisticated diction. I also think that my thesis could’ve been stronger. I don’t really address my argument specifically, and I just restate the question instead of adding depth or complexity to the beginning. Within my body paragraphs, I should have used more specific and complete examples form the passage. Instead of using the complete quotes, I paraphrased and tried to explain why I chose the quotes. I needed to create smoother transitions within paragraphs so that the essay flowed. In the sample essay, the writer used very smooth transitions and the essay was simple and interesting to read. At the end of my essay, I need to add a conclusion to end the essay, just to wrap up all ideas addressed in the essay.

            I thought that the overall meaning of the story was well defined in my essay. I think that I used good examples of imagery and symbols, and supportive details to back up what I was thinking. I also think that my introduction still addressed my ideas and opened my essay well. I also think that my essay made since and didn’t jump around too much.

            I hope to improve my essay next time incorporating these three goals:

1.     Add more sophisticated diction. I think that if I learn just a few new words a day, not only will it help my writing, but it could also help reading comprehension. I could just spend time with one short story a day, looking up and defining words or phrases that I don’t recognize, so that it’s easier for me in the future.

2.     I want to incorporate a stronger beginning and ending into the essay. I think that’s important that I open my essay with a strong and powerful thesis, so that the reader knows exactly what I will address in the essay, but I would also be fully answering the question. I also need the conclusion of the story to be strong, so that it wraps up my entire writing in just a few sentences. I can work on this by really analyzing previous writings, or even essays or pieces I’m currently reading, and study and analyze what makes a opening strong, or boring, and try and edit it.

3.     I want to lean how to hold a composed argument. I want to be able to express my thesis at the beginning of my essay, and hold that argument through out my entire writing. I think that this will help the writing to stay organized, polished, and easy to read. I can work on this by focusing on sticking to one subject, and not allowing myself to drift into other areas of the writing.

I learned a lot from the sample essays and the rubrics we discussed in class, and I’m very eager to see what changes I can make to my future writings.